a quarter of a girl

far from flawless

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shit bro this existential crisis was better than i thought

There’s a pit in the stomach of my chest that anyone could jump through. Oh, it makes sense, because anyone here can do anything, anyone who isn’t, well, me— I guess I feel like it’s just weird, the way that one main quirk of my identity comes, not just from myself, buy from my family. I am not what I am; I am what we are. I have done nothing to earn or merit specialness; I was quite literally born like this. It’s not that I’m lonely, no, though I’m sure that’ll be part of it. It’s not that I’m homesick or sad, because that’s far from setting in too. I don’t even think that I’m particularly lost, at this stage in the game. I just think I’m going to be. I can’t help it. It’s freaking me out to think about. Everything is so fleeting. A day, a name, a face, a walk across campus: Zoe, Chloe, Gus, people winking in and out of existence at my very whim. Everything’s being swallowed up by time. The question isn’t should I fight it, but can I? I want to establish my footing. I want my bearings— I want my place. But I don’t want a deadweight around my ankle or an albatross around my neck. I want to be free; I want to be flighty. But I want to be home. This is my fault, my folly. I don’t do intimacy or attachments. Maybe, perhaps, I even haven’t done them. I get anxious, antsy. I feel claustrophobic. I don’t like binding myself to people. I don’t know if it’s because I’m afraid they’ll get bored of me or because I’m afraid I’m already bored of them. I hope it’s not the latter. I think it is. I’m noticing things about myself, jealousy mainly. I want to be the center of everything, if not everything itself. And I want people to know that. Is that why I’ve never found myself a “best friend” kind of person, because I could never deal with realizing that I am not actually somebody’s world? Selfish, shallow, me… I’ll sort through it, I say. But I want attention. I want to grow and change. I have no place to tether myself to, and no plans, but I don’t need that to grow. I’m growing all the time. Nothing I can do about it now but hold on and weather the ride. I hope I don’t turn into a werewolf. I don’t want to collect my weathered scraps of rags from the place where I once was as the person I used to be, controlled only by a whim. I guess we’ll see.

Filed under college identity personal writing self

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Today hasn’t been bad in terms of productivity!!! I got all my textbooks and fixed my printer, two major successes, plus I met a new girl at lunch and ate with another one I hadn’t really talked to much, called my sister about her first day of classes, started organizing a train to take home for break, set up a lunch date with a friend on Friday, possibly planned a board game night this weekend, set up a Fire Emblem-playing party, and found out where the nearest convenience store roughly is…

I don’t think I’m gonna actually gonna to that convenience store until I find someone who’s willing to walk the mile there with me (seems like a waste of prime bonding time to go alone, and as long as I get it done soon enough it’s not super urgent) but hey, it’s good getting the lay of the land!

Hopefully I’ll have a nice hour or so to work out class schedules before we leave for dinner and the concert tonight!

Filed under college schedule plans stuff

13 notes

onemaninitiative:

DO YOU WANT YOUR CHARACTER/ YOU/ YOUR FAVOURITE CHARACTER/ WHAT THE FRICKLE EVER DRAWN FOR FREE?

Just reblog this post with a ref or a link to a ref!!

Why am I doing this? Partly to have interesting and different materieal for me to practice art with, but also to raise awareness of my art and in turn, my commissions. But hey, while I’m unknown and free, take advantage of it!!

Art Blog
Commissions

I’ll try to get as many done as possible but y’know how that goes.

I’m not sure if you’re still open for these but if you are I’d love if you could doodle up my bat character Davanti?

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6058931/

(Possibly wearing a huge baggy sweater/ugly Christmas sweater because I feel like that sounds adorable, if it isn’t too much trouble!)

Filed under reblog

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lexipup:

Free Art Raffle being held on my page! Reblog this photo and get an extra number and double your chances of winning!
Link to the raffle: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6058931/

lexipup:

Free Art Raffle being held on my page! Reblog this photo and get an extra number and double your chances of winning!

Link to the raffle: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6058931/

Filed under REBLOG

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i feel like sleeping more but i don’t really trust myself to wake up for my class at 10…

Today’s gonna be pretty busy, since among other things I need to buy textbooks, do my laundry, find a convenience store, fix my printer, buy train tickets two months in advance, set up a board game night for this weekend, and scrounge up seats for a concert…… good thing I have like six free hours after Philosophy and Physics |D

Filed under STUFF busy BLAH

1,299,197 notes

cute questions

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
2. Are you outgoing or shy?
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
4. Are you easy to get along with?
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
15. What good thing happened this summer?
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
19. Do you like bubble baths?
20. Do you like your neighbors?
21. What are you bad habits?
22. Where would you like to travel?
23. Do you have trust issues?
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
26. What do you do when you wake up?
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
28. Who are you most comfortable around?
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
30. Do you ever want to get married?
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
33. Spell your name with your chin.
34. Do you play sports? What sports?
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
37. What do you say during awkward silences?
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
40. What do you want to do after high school?
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?
43. Do you smile at strangers?
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
46. What are you paranoid about?
47. Have you ever been high?
48. Have you ever been drunk?
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?
51. Ever wished you were someone else?
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
53. Favourite makeup brand?
54. Favourite store?
55. Favourite blog?
56. Favourite colour?
57. Favourite food?
58. Last thing you ate?
59. First thing you ate this morning?
60. Ever won a competition? For what?
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?
62. Been arrested? For what?
63. Ever been in love?
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
65. Are you hungry right now?
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?
67. Facebook or Twitter?
68. Twitter or Tumblr?
69. Are you watching tv right now?
70. Names of your bestfriends?
71. Craving something? What?
72. What colour are your towels?
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?
75. Favourite animal?
76. What colour is your underwear?
77. Chocolate or Vanilla?
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?
79. What colour shirt are you wearing?
80. What colour pants?
81. Favourite tv show?
82. Favourite movie?
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?
87. First person you talked to today?
88. Last person you talked to today?
89. Name a person you hate?
90. Name a person you love?
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
92. In a fight with someone?
93. How many sweatpants do you have?
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?
95. Last movie you watched?
96. Favourite actress?
97. Favourite actor?
98. Do you tan a lot?
99. Have any pets?
100. How are you feeling?
101. Do you type fast?
102. Do you regret anything from your past?
103. Can you spell well?
104. Do you miss anyone from your past?
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
107. Have you ever been on a horse?
108. What should you be doing?
109. Is something irritating you right now?
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
111. Do you have trust issues?
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
113. What was your childhood nickname?
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?
115. Do you play the Wii?
116. Are you listening to music right now?
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?
118. Do you like Chinese food?
119. Favourite book?
120. Are you afraid of the dark?
121. Are you mean?
122. Is cheating ever okay?
123. Can you keep white shoes clean?
124. Do you believe in love at first sight?
125. Do you believe in true love?
126. Are you currently bored?
127. What makes you happy?
128. Would you change your name?
129. What your zodiac sign?
130. Do you like subway?
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
133. Favourite lyrics right now?
134. Can you count to one million?
135. Dumbest lie you ever told?
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?
137. How tall are you?
138. Curly or Straight hair?
139. Brunette or Blonde?
140. Summer or Winter?
141. Night or Day?
142. Favourite month?
143. Are you a vegetarian?
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?
145. Tea or Coffee?
146. Was today a good day?
147. Mars or Snickers?
148. What’s your favourite quote?
149. Do you believe in ghosts?
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?  (via tchitsnathan)

Do meee

(via marfmellow)

(Source: catscuddlingandyou, via thefreckledprincess)

1 note

frozenscv asked: Once you get this you have to say five things you like about yourself, publicly, then send this to ten of your favorite followers. (Non negotiable)

Oh man thanks a bunch for this!! Sorry it took me so long to get around to, but without further ado…

1. I’m, like, REALLY proud of the way I’ve been adjusting to college. Like, HOLY SHIT. I’ve always thought of myself as a shy, anxious, useless person but among other things I’ve already made, like, a SHIT TON of friends (apparently seventeen, to be exact, judging from all the new numbers in my phone xP;;) and I haven’t really had a place/opportunity/way to brag about that yet, sooooo… ;w;

2. I think my eyes are pretty nice *~*

3. I’m a pretty big fan of my optimism and I dig the fact that unless I’m like, in the middle of a weird fit of inevitably anxiety and terror, I’m typically pretty chill and don’t exactly stress out about stuff!

4. I can actually be pretty funny at times… like, I REALLY like myself when I go on hilariously energetic jags (mostly when I’m around a specific combination of people I totally feel comfortable with, in a situation that I’m really excited about) and start talking really quickly and saying absolutely anything that comes to mind, no matter how weird or awful it may seem, and doing little dances and bouncing around and making people laugh and hopefully it’s not actually super annoying because it’s a really good time owo

5. This sort of goes with number 1, but I’m totally proud of how social I’ve been pushing myself to become… college-wise, going up and introducing myself to people at mixers, talking to people while I walk, accepting invitations to things and bonding with new and different people that way, visiting people’s rooms, not just staying holed up in my bed alone all the time… plus I’ve become much better at texting people I care about to keep in touch and I weirdly discovered that I ACTUALLY LOVE TALKING ON THE PHONE

I’ll go send this out now~

(I’d send it back to you but I think that’d just create a really annoying loop xD)

Filed under ask frozenscv positive good things me tag

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Tagged by sith-bitch

(and HELL YEAH I LOVE TAGS, EVERYONE TAG ME IN EVERYTHING ALWAYS)

name: Jenna
nickname: People who like me have been known to call me Jen-Jen and certain people affectionately refer to me as Jennerz… my siblings tend to call me Len (or, in some weird cases Len Zedong, which usually just ends up turning into calling me Mao)… or Slampig… and I received a nickname on the very day of college that I’m sure will stick even though it’s only from one person (who’s forbidden anyone else from calling me it), Quad… um, I was known as the Girl of a Thousand Nicknames when I was really little, which in and of itself is a nickname, (others included Reader Rabbit, Messy Marvin, Big Silly, and Macy Dog Detective… all really weird, I know)… oh, and my group of friends in high school referred to me exclusively as Herman (or Hermanerman)… I just, uh, really like nicknames (and rambling on for way too long about them) |D
birthday: February 21st, 1996
gender: Female
sexuality: *unconcerned shrug*
height: 5’11 (I WAS SO CLOSE)
time zone: … The one…. where it’s currently 7:55 am…
what time and date is it there: *coughs* 7:55 am… the date being August 27th (MY FIRST DAY OF COLLEGE CLASSES)
average hours of sleep i get per night: Lately it’s been like… six and a half? So I can’t complain ayyy
OTPs: Oh god haha I’m not a shipper at all but a few pairings have made me feel something a bit more than just noncommitted interest, including Kimmie/Richard from Super Fun Night, Ishimondo in Dangan Ronpa (and Peko/Kuzuryuu in Dangan Ronpa 2)… um, I guess there are some pairings I mildly like (like John/Vriska) but when I shamelessly searched the “shipping” tag on my blog those first ones are the only three that came up, so I guess they’re the only ones I really care about. xD
the last thing i googled: “William and Mary campus map”
first word that comes to mind: Pineapple?????
what i last said to a family member: Well I’m currently away from the family but just this morning I texted my brother Trent “She also said, and I quote ‘I’m joining the belly dancing team, because I’m really slutty. But I’m also joining the Doctor Who club, because I’m really a nerd. So I’m just a really slutty nerd.’” … I’ll let you decide what exactly that context is :P
one place that makes me happy and why: My backyard at home because there’s this freakin’ AWESOME giant couch-chair-thing and it’s so nice and warm and sometimes breezy and I can sprawl out there and read and write and play video games and go on my laptop and basically enjoy anything and everything and it always calms me down but also weirdly focuses me and yeah it’s super duper
how many blankets i sleep under: One………..
favourite beverage: In the spirit of my new college, SWEET TEA
last movie i watched in a cinema: The Purge: Anarchy!
three things i can’t live without: Oh dear… I don’t feel like thinking so I’ll be that guy who says FOOD WATER AND OXYGEN
a piece of advice for all my followers: If you have an opportunity and an interest in it, go for it! You’ll regret it if you let a cool experience slip through your fingers, and you never know what amazing things you might find if you just put yourself out there, so please don’t be afraid to!
you have to listen to this song: “Methamphetamines” by Lana Del Rey because it’s just… a very weird experience…
my blog(s):  Personal/main blog: quaddle

Marching band blog: detail-swag-hace

Reblog blog: bodyfluidcleanupkit

Writing inspiration blog: revise-refine-refind-me

Embarrassingly I also have, like, four other blogs, but I don’t really use them: avariciousliciousness for pictures of material stuff I like/want, stupidhatnight for an abandoned project about, well, my stupid hat collection, searching-glance-to-glance for another abandoned project about people, smilesonthedaily for another abandoned project about happiness, oh and then a random URL I hoarded that might become a vent blog where I post stuff untagged and unseen to get it off my chest

… I’m obsessed with blogs I’M SORRY

Filed under tag sith-bitch tagged questions me ayyyy